Lately, I've been in a funk. I mean.... a FUNK. I think many have probably noticed, few have reached out. It seems to me like the edges of depression, and I have been trying to stay away from the black hole. And yet, I feel like I'm in the black hole. BUT this post isn't about depression - because I am not going there! I just am NOT. That is not what I want for my life and I will come back renewed.
There has been so many little things going on - from work changes, to finances, to parenthood struggles, to weight and health struggles and beyond and I have let the combination of everything really pull me down and I need to stop.
I'm trying to not only dig myself out of my black hole, but better myself as I go - in many ways. So, my starting point is personal development, because mentally and emotionally I just need it. Really we all do. I keep seeing the phrase that if I am not working on personal development and I am struggling elsewhere, it ALL comes back to that! And I think I keep seeing that, because I need to be reminded that life is more and that developing myself emotionally, mentally, and spiritually will uphold me much better. I listened to a podcast by Priscilla Shirer and in it she speaks heavily of satisfaction - of finding contentment in our circumstances.
Let me tell you how much that really hits home with me. No matter how many times I have proclaimed "comparison is the thief of joy", I have continued to compare. I'm not as skinny as her, I don't lost weight as easily. My finances suck, why can't I get those in order and improve or win the lottery or something! My child is a hot mess, I love her SO much I cannot even describe it but attitude is rough sometimes! My job, I worked hard to finish my Master's Degree and yet why can't I fall into a big promotion or great placement of use like so and so did? They didn't even have to try... Things like this, you see they are not helping me. I know I am not alone, I know many people go through very similar struggles. This podcast is the reason I am writing right now, because her words really rang true to me. There's a reason I am in this season RIGHT NOW. Why am I in such a hurry to always be somewhere besides where I am? She challenged me to resolve to live with a spirit of contentment. Here is her proposed resolution word for word: "I do solemnly resolve to embrace my current season of life and I will maximize my time in it. I will resist the urge to hurry through or circumvent any portion of my journey. I WILL live with a spirit of contentment." WOW.
You see - I am quite blessed. I have my family all here- so many of them that love and support me despite all of my downfalls. I have a beautiful healthy daughter who struggles with much the same negative self image and doubt that I do. I have an amazing husband that takes out the trash and mows the yard and helps out. And you the know the best part - he loves me and Madyson for who we are. Every day he loves us, even through the rough days.
One of the best things that you can do for your life is to seek contentment in your circumstances. Yes we should continually be trying to better ourselves and even seeking more. I am not taking away from that. I did work hard to get my degree and I will not back down from challenging my career path and that outlook holds on my other issues (weight loss, parenting, finances, etc). BUT I also need to learn satisfaction in the here and now, just because I am striving for more does not mean I can't find happiness in my circumstances and live a satisfying fulfilled life through the whole path. I don't have to reach the top and battle all of our challenges to be happy. I can be happy through the storms - and so can you.
Today, I resolve to find contentment and satisfaction in my life while striving to better myself and my circumstances along the way.
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