The bad news is - I am going to step away from Insanity for the time being. What???!!!! I know you must be thinking, why quit now? You won't get better if you quit. Ha, that Krysta talks a big game but she is quite weak. At least those were my own thoughts. Here is the good news: I am NOT quitting Insanity. Yes, I am stepping away from it, but I am going to go back to it and when I do I have every intention of finishing. Does this make me a quitter? Well, maybe so, but I like to think it means I'm taking my overall picture into perspective and working towards a goal. I still have every intention of completing Insanity.
So at this point, you might be wondering what my in-between is, let's talk about why I am breaking from Insanity. I happen to be 50+ pounds overweight, and I have never been physically fit - even in my skinnier days. As I was struggling through over and over I felt like I wasn't getting anywhere. I wasn't seeing any progress in my strengthening or endurance or improvements in the exercises. I was out of my league. I have already been told, well you can't ever get better if you let it go. I disagree. I'm letting go to get better and get better I WILL. My goal is to revisit Insanity 30 days from today and begin again, renewed and stronger. I hit a wall where all I felt was discouragement while I was doing the workouts and guess what - discouragement is not healthy. So, I made the ultimate choice that I needed to back down. Do I need to push myself? Absolutely!!! But what I don't need is to push myself so hard that I feel like an utter failure every time I turn on or begin a workout. See what I'm saying now?
Let me share this: I talked to my sisters about this a couple of days ago. In a world, where many time I feel very very alone, I have the most amazing sisters. I have very few close friends and many of my friends I don't hear from regularly. Not pointing any fingers here, it's just reality. When you live in different towns and everyone starts living their "adult" lives, it's hard to stay as connected. Does that make any of us any less friends? Well, no, ALL of my friends are still very dear to me, and I miss them every single day!! However, back to feeling alone. The reality is I often feel alone, but every time I get there I have my sisters RIGHT BY MY SIDE. They have never ever failed to back me up or support and encourage me - even the many time I have been underserving. So, I say something about breaking (I refuse to say quitting) from Insanity and they question me, and they say ok, game plan. We discuss options and they say include me (ok, this was not word for word obviously). I am going to get back into running. I reinstalled the C25K app to my phone. Don't ask me why because honestly I hate running, but it will strengthen me and help build up my endurance. Aside from running, we found some of those little 30 day challenges you see floating around everywhere. I say WE, because my sisters are doing it WITH me. They already started doing it with me. We went to the track to start Day 1 of the C25K program and they paced me. Ok, these girls are skinny and they used to be star basketball players, and they went at my pace for my benefit, because they were showing their support. So, when I had to slow down before my 60 seconds because I couldn't breathe, or when I skipped one of the 60 seconds because I had to recuperate longer, they did it with me. They ran slow with me, they supported me. And never once, did they make me feel inferior about it. One of my sisters found an ab challenge, and I found a squat challenge. Today is our Day 1 for those. They're holding me accountable, but they're doing it too. I've attached pictures of those for reference.
I constantly feel like an inferior being. I am weak, and I am not good at this weight loss and fitness stuff. Every time I look in the mirror I feel huge, and I'm exhausted from the struggle and from tearing myself down. So today, I read this quote: "Allow yourself to be a beginner, noone starts out being excellent". Yep, that was posted just for me, I am certain of it. And then one of my favorite bloggers to follow said (in paraphrase, because it was long): "I'm not the picture of perfect health and I don't have all the answers. I'm just a woman who was sick of feeling back about herself and decided to make a change. Everyone is beautiful and different in their own way. I started slowly one day at a time, and have learned that the road to success has no end and that comparison truly is the thief of joy. Just. Keep. Going!" Ya, I am positive she posted that for me as well.
I posted on Facebook asking people for their successes and suggestions. It didn't quite go over like I hoped, but I did get a lot of insight still. I got a lot of suggestions and things to work off of. I am most grateful for all of those!!
Here is my plan: follow the C25K program, do the and & squat challenges with sisters, continue my morning workouts at least 3 days a week. Watch my eating, believe it or not, this is my biggest struggle. I'm gonna say it again - I am exhausted from the struggle, but I'm going to keep on keeping on.
