The Skin I'm In

You haven't seen me for awhile and that's OK. With the holidays everything was busy and I just took time away. Does this mean I've given up? Not at all!! 2014 has begun and its time to get back in line. I maintained for the most part during the holidays with a 1-2 pound fluctuation. 

I've been more confident and comfortable with my clothing... until today. You see I purchased a pair of skinnies from Kiki LA Rue. I keep thinking I can't wait to slip them on with a long shirt and boots and be oh so cute. I've put them on over and over looked in the mirror and taken them off just as many times. Today I told myself I was gonna go for it. I did go for it, I put those puppies on with a bright teach top and some boots I got for Christmas looked in the mirror checked with the sisters and left the house for work. That's when my confidence betrayed me. I walked into work and felt like everyone was staring at my thighs. I wasn't ready. I lost it - I literally had a breakdown and went home and changed. I didn't even have the cute boots on by the time I was done with myself. 

As soon as I got back from changing I was kicking myself. I should have stuck with it I should have been confident. Yes I've been losing weight but I'm still not skinny! I want so badly to feel cute and oh my gosh dare I say it... I wanna be sexy. I'm a single 26 year old and I have no confidence. 

Why am I writing this? Because it pushed me over the edge - I'm tired of being "the fat one", tired of not feeling good enough, tired of being this way, but are you ready? Here is the lesson: I AM this way, does it make me ugly or less worthy? NO!!! So if you're reading this and you're saying oh my gosh I totally feel that way... STOP IT!! Let that go. Can we be better? Absolutely but we can't change overnight. Change takes a lot of work and time and we must keep our heads up. Let us be confident in the skin we're in as we move forward. 

Happy 2014!!

It's ON!!

The past couple weeks I haven't tried very hard. I've slacked a lot and not worked out. I've eaten a LOT and not a lot of good. Then I had my panic. I've not gained any weight back but I haven't broken out of the 190s and that just drives me crazy! If you've read my blog very regularly you can see I go through these back and forth spurts. I've got to stop doing that!! Is it OK to have a bad day even a couple days? Absolutely!! But to have a bad couple weeks every month is a major hindrance. Imagine where I could be if I only had a couple bad days instead of a couple bad weeks. Imagine... because that's my goal. Am I a perfect dieter? No way... and I never will be, but can I out forth a better effort? Oh most definitely!!
I'm going to get there!!
Life is busy right now and its so easy for me to say I don't have time, but you know I really do have time. Even with our busy activities, I'm usually home by 8:30 and I don't need to go to bed that early. Even with little time I should be able to make good choices
Somewhere I'm rubbing off on my kid (and I'm not talking about attitude!!) This morning she was looking at packages (mind you it was mouth wash and Bunny food) but she was talking about calories.
Last night someone I really don't know said you're looking great!! That's so nice and its things like that which really keep me going!!
Hold your head high and KEEP GOING!! Break out of funks and let go and don't give up. I don't care if you've had a bad year (we all have them but let's not get into life issues) just keep moving forward!!
You're not alone in any struggle I promise. I don't care who you are I'm here for you whether you're struggling because of weight, money, relationships, it doesn't matter you're not alone!
And of course we gotta have a picture!! Trick or treat was last night and I barely ate any candy ;)

I live for this beautiful little girl 

Fitness... and beyond

Its been a crazy busy time. My 2nd sister got married. It was beautiful and perfect!! Tell me do you see a difference?

The picture on the left in blue is June 2013, the picture on the right is October 12th. They are almost exactly 4 months apart. They are not from the same angle I apologize but it was the best I could do right now.
I have no more weight loss to report just yet, I'm working on that, but I can say I feel a tremendous difference!! I've been working out hard more than not lately. I can feel a difference in my clothing and I'm enjoying pulling out clothes that haven't fit or been flattering. Small victory... my BROTHER noticed. And his wife asked me how (I make that up as I go). Happy dance!!!! Yes I meant literally.. happy dance!

I have worked out hard pushing myself and feeling like I was gonna die several times. But guess what... I didn't! Then I knew I could do it and I wanted to push myself even more.
Yesterday was a rough day. You see many times I feel alone (even though I'm obviously not) and that's a struggle for me. I watch all these people and it seems like so many good things are happening to everyone except me. Yesterday I had a slap in the face from a good friend and I was heart broken. I share this not because I want sympathy for my at times pathetic life but because I want to share my success that I drew out of it. I'm very blessed I know this. I have tons of amazing people in my life and I let the actions of pretty much one person pull all that away from me!! BUT.... the win? I didn't let it throw me into food for comfort, in fact I didn't even have that desire! This my friends is an accomplishment. A short time ago this kind of day would have me reaching for chocolate and pop and those comforts didn't even cross my mind!!
Its fall time and lots of great things are coming about but I will not be swayed.. at least not that much!! ;)

Today

I didn't weigh myself today but I have a feeling I'm about the same. I feel good today, not just about weight but a lot of things. Every once in awhile, life looks up when its looked down and it feels great. This feeling alone gives me renewed strength and will to keep moving forward.
Today: a wonderful lady told me i looked amazing when she saw me last night. Asked for my secrets (he he).
Today: I'm wearing an old pair of jeans in a smaller size AND a shirt I bought probably 3-4 months ago and I haven't felt comfortable wearing. Its been tight around my mid-section and thighs. I've attached a picture for you. Its not the best picture but it shows the shirt and jeans, which was the point! (Shirt courtesy of WWW.kikilarue.com and the jeans are Maurice's. Both my favorite places to shop)
Today: I walked into work and someone said you look really good today!
My weight loss progress is slow and truth be known I've only lost 14 pounds, but I already feel great, I'm already receiving numerous compliments. I think its about time I go jeans shopping! :)

What's up: Some truths for you

Obviously it's been awhile since I've written. So, here's the deal. I'm no longer going to commit to every Wednesday but I'm still going to commit because I need that accountability. My goal is to write every 1-2 weeks.
The truth? Some weeks I didn't do it just because I didn't want to, some because I forget, and some simply because I'm busy!! More truth? I haven't tried that hard, I've been drinking more pop than I should, I've not worked out as much as I should and its been a rough few weeks. Another truth? I've had some things in my life I've allowed to bring me down and I've used those things as a crutch... an excuse... to not stick to what I needed to be doing.
Now I did not completely fall off the wagon, while I've eaten some things I shouldn't and I've slacked BUT I've still been conscious of what I'm doing. Not because I am plowing through some french fries and magically think I'm a pig but I notice almost a habit of being conscious of my portion sizes and even my choices. So sure I might enjoy a SMALL french fry order but I account for it with portion control and making sure I'm not eating like that allllllll the time.
So this morning I stepped on the scale. I've not weighed myself since my last post and I really had a negative attitude, but to my surprise I saw 190. Say it again.. 190!!!!!! That's a total of 14 pounds. Today I wore a cute little shirt and I feel confident and you would be amazed the number of compliments I've received.
My words of truth... are you ready? No one is perfect.. ESPECIALLY ME.. but I keep trying and I keep moving forward and instead of beating myself up I just adjust and keep trying. I'm getting somewhere. It will take me a long time to be where I wanna be, but progress is amazing!! Don't get down.. depressing thoughts will only discourage you and you will reach for a Twinkie and that's OK, eat a Twinkie but don't eat 3 of them and don't follow it up with a donut, a Dr. Pepper, a Snickers, a cookie, and a large pizza. ;)

Whats up Wednesday: on a Saturday

So, after I posted what I thought was a late post last week and really was a day early here I am posting a truly late post this week. Truth is, sometimes I forget its Wednesday or I get distracted and never get my post typed. Then here comes Saturday and I know I need to hold myself accountable even if I am late!
The kicker... I stepped on my scale this morning fully expecting I was gonna sigh and shrug my shoulders. I had a much needed girls night with my sisters last night and we ate junk - fried foods, chips, triple double oreos, gummy worms, and wild cherry Pepsi. I just knew I wasn't gonna gain any ground but to my surprise my scale says 194!! I weighed myself three different time to be sure. I just couldn't believe it! This marks my first TEN pounds... gone!!! Yay!! *small (OK big) happy dance here*.
Now let's talk about what I did this week. As promised I worked out at least 5 days. I started with some dance workout DVDs I have but I just wasn't feeling it. I mean I enjoyed them but I didn't feel like they were doing much for me. So Monday I pulled out a DVD that was loaned to me and gave it a try. Let me tell you what it was great! She loaned me The Biggest Loser: cardio max and super sculpt. I started the first day with cardio max. They have varying levels and I started with level 1 and it challenged me in new ways and I FELT it. I finished and I had this realization that I was able to do the whole workout without modifications or breaks. That meant something to me. That's one of my biggest struggles. The workout video had people like me instead of skinny fit people and it was focused on people like me but it was no simple video. While I made it through I still felt the challenge. It literally kicked my rear. The next day I couldn't walk, sit, stand... it hurt!! The video suggested I alternate the 2 different ones so that's exactly what I did. Power sculpt focuses on sculpting but was still very beneficial in my opinion and gave e a break from the hurt I was feeling in my muscles while still working them! So.. right now I'm more impressed with these workouts than I've ever been with a workout in my life. Yes I'm suggesting them! I know what its like to feel inferior - its nothing new to me especially when you're doing the modifies workout on a DVD and can't do it all. I felt renewed and confident and most of all I felt like I found something that was made for me to use.
My eating habits this week were nothing special. I have modified portion sizes and tried to make semi better choices and drink plenty of water.
Here we go - ready for the next 10 pounds!! :

What's up Wednesday: Accountability

It's been a couple weeks since I've posted and while at the time I thought it was really no big deal the truth is that means I haven't been holding myself accountable like I should be. Accountability was one of my number one reasons for starting this blog. I'm tired of falling off the wagon and failing and I'm tired of not being happy with myself. This being said I haven't done too bad in my journey to get fit and lose some weight but had I been accountable as I should be - might I have done better?
I weighed in this morning at 197. That equals a total weight loss of 7 pounds so far. While this is nice I want more. I'm glad to know I've still been losing, but it seems very slow!! I have struggled with this funk lately, making excuses to myself for not working out... we're so busy or I'm so tired. Several weeks ago I mentioned I wad going to start c25k again and I still have not done that. I've literally done very minimal working out for almost a month! Enough I say!!
So here I am again... holding myself accountable!! This week I'm going to workout 5 days (that's the plan) and continue my changing eating habits and see what I see next week. I once read another bloggers words stating that the hardest part is putting your feet on the floor. This IS the truth!! Its so hard to talk myself into getting off my rear and being productive but when I do it feels good!
We all fall back, not one of us is perfect. We all struggle but making it through those struggles and moving forward continuing to make the effort to better ourselves is simply the best we can do!!
Here's to accountability!! Have a good week!